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"Random Insanity Rocks "Written By: Ryouga Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam boys, the Smurfs, or any other character from these two series. However, Chibi_mina, DSM, ShenLong, and Ryouga all own themselves. Warnings: If you are not insane or do not have a really warped sense of humor then walk away now and don't look back, because this fic is too outta control for you!! Innuendo, groping and suggestive situations may occur. Pairings: 1X2 Er as for the rest, read and find out, because I don't even know @_@ Rating:Waaaaayyy OOC and slightly AU, R, Random insanity crossover. (And I mean random!!) Think, "Gundam meets the Smurfs, versus the Happy Hentai Musketeers *grins maniacally* Author: DSM: The Violet Eyed Devil. A/N: Hee hee hee…I promised Ryouga from the
start I’d co-author this. Only now I am finally getting around
to doing my part ^_^;; And Yeah…heh..it took me a VERY long time
to finish this chapter. But it’s done now and to those waiting…Gomen
Nasai! Be prepared for god knows how many references to other movies,
TV shows and Anime. Oh yeah…and random characters appearing.
They have a habit of doing that.
Random Insanity Rocks Part 4 The flying tackle glomp was beautiful in its execution. There was style in the mad dash towards a wide eyed and seemingly terrified Duo, grace in the soaring leap and bone crunching strength in the obsessively tight grip on the poor braided Smurf’s torso. If nothing else, a Duo-obsessed ShenLong certainly knew the true meaning of glomping someone to death. As Chibi Mina looked on in mild amusement, Ryouga sweat dropped, Dorothy toyed with her whip and Trowa and Wu Fei exchanged rather bewildered looks, DSM dug around in Hammer Space and pulled free a Panda sign. YES, DSM is also a Ranma ½ fan. Holding the sign up with a smirk curling her lips, she turned it to reveal a large number ‘10’ painted in bold lettering. It was only fair that a flying tackle glomp of such calibre be rated so highly. It had nothing what so ever to do with the fact that DSM was an insufferable smart arse. Not at all. Of course the little experiment earned her a thwap across the back of the head with a large paper fan by one Chibi Mina who, despite dolling out the punishment was looking suspiciously starry eyed as she gazed at the scene before her. Perhaps later, after ShenLong had finished groping, she could glomp onto Duo herself. If ShenLong ever let go that is. And as far as ShenLong was concerned, holding on very tightly to one wiggling bundle of braided Smurf was something straight from a fantasy. Okay perhaps both of them being human at the time was closer to the fact and possible there could have been the addition of chocolate sauce and a lot less clothing…but hey! Who was she to quibble? Plus, if she moved her hands just a little lower… “HEY!” Duo yelped as his smurfy little arse was squeezed rather enthusiastically. “Someone help! I’m being molested by strange female Smurfs here! Eep! Cut that out whoever the hell you are! That arse belongs to someone else!” ShenLong just smirked and squeezed again, quite content with her new lot in life. Ryouga, however, was beginning to wonder if pulling ShenLong off would be a good idea. On one hand, ShenLong may inflict damage on any person…Smurf…that removed her from her beloved Duo. On the other, Duo was looking increasingly panicked and she had a feeling if he finally got over the fact that he was being groped quite thoroughly by someone NOT Heero there may be chaos. Well…more chaos at any rate. If that was possible. Which it probably was considering they were trapped in Smurf-world with fictional Anime characters…though wonderfully sexy even for Smurfs fictional characters…and it was only inevitable that groping would… “OWWW! What the Smurf was that for!” Ryouga rubbed her abused head dolefully, pulling out the “Tzusuki Puppy Eyes” once again. She turned to face her attacker and promptly wilted under the full force of DSM’s “Hisoka Glare”. She still held her Panda sign only as she turned it around it now read ‘Baka’ instead of ‘10’. “Stop all that internal babbling. The fic is getting tied up with useless exposition!” The was a strange crunching sound that managed to capture the attention of Trowa and Wu Fei who, in the face of strange new Smurfs and abounding gropage had decided to stay just out of sight. They watched curiously as the fourth wall shuddered and shook before standing firm against the tremors. They shrugged and continued watching Duo being molested with silent amusement. Ryouga sweat dropped. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to let DSM write or beta fics anymore. Shaking her head to remove it from its little side journey into tangent land, Ryouga assessed the situation at hand. Now was probably the time where she should pluck up her courage and jump into to save Duo from her housemate’s happily wandering hands. It was only the honorable thing to do after all. It wasn’t very polite to grope people on the first meeting. Never mind that had Heero been in sight he would probably have been treated to the same treatment as Duo but Ryouga wasn’t going to mention that. Justice had to be upheld and Duo’s honor must be defended from ShenLong’s fangirl clutches. “Shen?” Ryouga ventured. “Shen? Do you think you should let go now?” DSM and Chibi Mina snorted. Had hell frozen over when they had been transported into this bizarre insanity? ShenLong growled. “Er…heh…never mind.” Ryouga quickly backed off. She’d be brave… Later… ******************* Thank God. Tucking his binoculars back into Spandex Space, he was interrupted by a buzzing sound and a rather pleasant vibration from within his shorts. Wondering briefly if he had remembered to turn off the toys properly before putting them back into Spandex Space the last time Duo and he had used them, Heero groped around a bit until he pulled free a small device that looked somewhat like a mobile phone. It was flashing. Red. A low, possessive growl trickled out of Heero’s throat as he glared at the small device before tucking it back out of sight. Pulling free his ever-trusty gun he sprung from the tree and landed cat-like on the ground before springing into action. Clicking the safety off his gun, Heero sprinted towards where he had last left Duo when he had run awa…made a tactical retreat from Her Royal Stalker-likeness. His eyes were cold, narrowed and shining with anger. Heero Yuy…Psychotic Smurf extraordinaire was not happy. Someone was groping his Duo. And it wasn’t him! ************* The screech sent birds fleeing in panic and all furry and not so furry woodland creatures running in a blind panic for anywhere that was free from the caterwauling of a certain Obsessed Stalker Smurf that had managed to get lost in the woods while searching for the object of her undead….er….undying love. “Heero! Where are you?! Come back here and Smurf me!” “Oh for Smurf’s sake will you shut the hell up!” Relena Smurf turned to find herself right back where she started. Laying on the ground just to her left was Duo who was still in the clutches of ShenLong…who’s hands were getting bolder with every passing second. The poor braided smurf looked torn between squealing like a girl for someone to rescue him or just sitting back and enjoying it. Ryouga hovered, worried and sweatdropping, over their squirming forms. Not far off stood Wu Fei and Trowa calmly sharing a cup of green tea and silently watching the proceedings with an air of amusement. Chibi Mina leaned against a tree, calmly pouring more tea when required and happily observing the chaos that was raging around her. She had her fan ready for action just in case a certain Smurf who shall remain nameless needed another good thwaping to keep her under control. No one really cared what Dorothy was doing. Either that or it was just too squicky for this poor author’s brain to comprehend and therefore shall remain a mystery. But it probably involved her whip and some very nasty thought involving Quatre. But I digress. DSM eyed the pink clad Smurf and rolled her eyes. “Honey, you maybe be the Princess of Sank but I’m the Queen of fucking everything!” Relena’s face went as pink as her clothes and she huffed arrogantly. How dare this little peasant dare to belittle her! She deserved to worshiped and adored…she who would be married to most wonderful, handsome, brave, noble… “I don’t think you should run off on a tangent like that…” Ryouga leaned close to whisper the words of advice. “DSM tends to get picky with mental tangents.” Relena glared. Ryouga sighed and turned back to trying to coax ShenLong from Duo with very little success. “If we are quite finished with this little…” DSM snorted. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY DUO!” DSM jumped about a foot in the air before sprawling ungracefully on the ground and clutching at her heart. Death by enraged Heero Smurf…well it wasn’t the way she imagined she’d die but well…it was an interesting way to go that was for certain. “Heero!” Relena screeched, but the call was unheard by the Smurf in question (though the trio drinking tea winced in pain and DSM, wandering over to join them, shuddered) who was staring with unbridled fury at the pair still writhing around on the ground. Duo Smurf’s head snapped up at the bellowed command and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hee-chan! Get her off! She’s got a grip like steel and unlike you I can’t bend it with my bare hands!” Heero strode purposefully over to his koi and pointed his ever-faithful gun at the back of ShenLong’s head. “Get….off….” ShenLong looked up. Now here was a hard decision. Duo goes free and she would be bereft of all that wonderful body to grope. But on the upside, she would more than likely see him grope…and be groped in return by Heero and that was enough inspiration for a Yaoi filled mind like hers for a long while. Not that she needed any more plot bunnies. But the other option seemed to be death and she didn’t particularly want to die any time soon. Heero Smurf wanted her off Duo now…and the amount of time it seemed to be taking the female to unhand his Smurf wasn’t acceptable. “Omae wo koro…!!”
“Spandex! My precious. Preeeecioooussssss…” The four by the tree sweatdropped. DSM turned to see if the victor of the battle for Duo had been decided, and was treated by an eyeful of very naked Heero Smurf from the waste down. Reaching up and tugging on Chibi Mina’s shirt, they both exchanged a glance before producing two signs with “WHOO HOO!” written on them. Heero growled and stalked over to the Spandex thief to retrieve his pants while Duo finally managed to extract ShenLong from his person while she was too busy ogling his now bared, smurfy lover as he tried to pry his pants from Ryouga. Brushing himself off and straitening his braid, Duo surveyed the chaos around him. It was a well-created chaos he had to admit, and he was a little disappointed he hadn’t been the one to create it. Still…no one could truly created chaos quite like a fangirl on a sugar high who was too bored for her own good, and with a shrug she wandered over to sit next to her drooling housemate. Deciding that a half naked Heero...whether he was a Smurf or not…was too good an opportunity to waste, Duo sauntered over to where the battle for spandex was being waged and wrapped his arms around his koi’s waist. “How about you forget the spandex and we make good use of your lack of pants?” he purred into the half naked Smurf’s ear. Heero smirked. Duo grinned and began to lead Heero into some bushes when he suddenly met with some resistance. Sighing he turned to find Heero trying to pry the cold, dead…erm the very strong fingers of Relena Peacecraft from around his arm, where she hung like the dead weight she was. It looked like he wouldn’t be getting any until they could remove the O So Obsessed One from his lover. “Heerooo!” she whined, once again sending the group by the trees whimpering and shuddering when there ears protested. “Heero save me from these rude peasants that refuse to treat me with the respect you deserve!” Heero just glared and wondered why hands that could bend steel could not extract one female’s grip from around his arm. “Relena? How about you let go of Hee-chan’s arm now?” Duo offered with a slightly strained smile. Relena glared. No one was going to come between her and her Smurfy love. No one! Why she was the Princess of Sank…she had been the Queen of the World! It was only right that she… “Okay people. Here are the odds! Twenty to one Her Royal Pain the Arse gets pried from Heero without too much effort. Two to One Heero ends up trying to shoot her. Five to One she gets pried off Heero only when he starts making out with Duo anyway. No odds on the fact the Relena will more than likely screech and whine like a dolphin being run over by a cement truck…” Relena Smurf fixed her glare on the small group of Smurfs by the tree. DSM was happily taking money and writing all bets down in a notebook that once again had seemed to materialise from thin air. She threw a wink and a smirk over her should to the struggling trio and waved a dismissive hand. “Continue. We’ve arranged out bets.” Chibi Mina snickered. Why did she have the sudden urge to cry out “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” Ryouga just continued to molest Heero’s spandex. Relena however, saw red. “You little piece of insignificant pond scum! How dare you! Why I should make you kneel down and apologise for that disgusting behaviour! Placing bets on true love! Why that is the most unromantic thing I have ever…” “True love? Why place bets on Duo and Heero when
we all know as soon as you get off Psychotic Smurf there he’s
going to jump the Braided Smurf and screw his brains out.” DSM
winked at the pair in question. Duo grinned in reply. “Why I never!” Relena turned to Heero. “Kill this mop headed freak for insulting me!” The poor Smurf just continue to try to free himself from her grasp and Duo happily draped himself over Heero’s other side, coping a feel here and there while helping him pry Relena off. DSM however, was not impressed. “Mop…headed…” Chibi Mina sweatdropped. This could be a problem. One did not insult the hair of DSM…not if they wanted to see their next birthday anyway. Things could get very messy. It started with a mild twitch. Nothing anyone would really notice unless they knew what they were looking for. Fists clenching into a white knuckled grip soon followed, and the twitch became progressively faster and more prominent. Ryouga felt a shiver tingle along her back, snapping her concentration away from her spandex worship. The Smurf took one look at the metamorphosis taking over DSM and started shaking. Anyone who knew what they were witnessing would shake. She wanted to run, really run complete with mad screaming and yammering and lots of Anime style dust following her fleeing form. However they all remained safe as long as… DSM’s eyes then proceed to narrow, turning an unhealthy shade of gold. “Shiiiiiit!” Ryouga cried. “She’s going Zero! Head for the hills.” While the Gundam Smurfs all looked rather confused, Ryouga grabbed ShenLong by the belt loops and proceeded to drag her off. Despite ShenLong’s rather loud and sarcastic protesting, Ryouga dragged them both behind a very large bunch of shrubbery. Peeking over the top like a scared little rabbit, Ryouga barked out a “Damn it! Run away if you value your lives!” Duo took one look at the glowering Smurf, took in the
psychotic gleam in her now golden tinged eyes, and yelped. “Hee-chan?
I think it may be a good idea to run now.” Chibi Mina had wasted no time after seeing her housemate’s change, snagging Trowa in one hand and Wu Fei in the other and dragging them off into the relative safety of another patch of trees. Relena sniffed haughtily. DSM growled. And those hiding held there breathe as DSM reached behind her back and with a chuckle born of madness whipped out her secret weapon. An adorable Baby Smurf named Usagi-chan cooed, eyes bright and big. “Du Du?” she asked looking around. Wu Fei rolled his eyes. He’d been dragged away to hide like a weakling for the threat of a child? He moved to escape from Otaku Smurf’s iron hold when a rather menacing cackle sent him cowering straight back. He wasn’t weak. Not at all. It was just…that Onna was…unstable. And it was wiser to stay out of her way. Yes, that was it. The Justice Smurf, happy with his reasoning, proceeded to peer carefully around a tree. “Awwwww, what an adorable little baby!” Relena squealed. She reached forward and snatched the child from DSM’s arms, tickling her chin with a finger. She had learned, during her politician’s life, that making nice with babies was always a good way to gain support. And of course, if her beloved Heero saw how wonderful she was with children he’d realise what a perfect mother she would be and leave that flea infested street rat on the street corner where he belonged. With a practiced, benevolent smile, Relena leaned forward to kiss little Usagi-chan on the forehead. The little Baby Smurf then proceed to let loose with the most powerful series of projectile vomit a baby has ever been proud to spew up before. DSM just chuckled evilly. ~ * ~ |
